Oh my word.

See, I told you guys. Consistently updating a blog at this point in my life is apparently one of my downfalls! I have great intentions, I promise, but I just wanted to clarify in case you missed my subtle hint (warning?) in my last post (don't worry, it's not that far down the page).

So, as time would have it, I have but one post to show for 2012. Goodness. Perhaps this could be a yearly blog instead! One post once a year. I could handle that well—as you can obviously see. :)

So here's to what's left of 2013 : we'll start small. And maybe I'll throw in a few remnants from 2012.

Do you ever like to think that a million people read your blog? Yeah, well, I know I don't have that many followers/creepers, but it's still fun to think that I'm writing to a grand amount of people and that they all want to read about what I deem interesting, haha! So thank you to any of you who do read this! That being said, I will tell ALL of you (imaginary readers included) about my life between this post and my last post. Grab your snacks!

Eh, let's just start in May 2012. My sweet best friend and I celebrated our one year anniversary on May 6th! So weird. It's true what they say--why must everything in life just fly by? Some days are meant to be bottled up and locked away forever, I just know it! We didn't do too much : stayed in the city for a night, visited the plaza, and checked out the antique shops downtown. And you know you have to have cake on your anniversary! My husband and I chose to have cupcakes at our wedding and didn't want to freeze any to follow tradition and eat them a year later, so we decided we will go to Cupcake A La Mode and buy them fresh every year! That was and always will be our sweetly frosted plan!

The summer held some fun getaways my husband had planned for my birthday. He's pretty stinkin' sweet. He had planned a trip to a quiet bed and breakfast (way out in the boonies I might add), horseback riding with a picnic included, a short trip back through St. Louis (with a hotel room view of the arch to boot!), and exploration of the city before we headed back home. And by exploring, you must know I usually mean visiting interesting food joints and eating the special treats the locals love.

Outside of fun summer getaways and good food, our individual lives held certain challenges that the Lord brought into our lives for His will and His purposes. Craig is such a hard worker, he loves what he does, he's great at what he does (thus people love him), but his work hours were getting a little crazy! When he worked through the night and continued to work through the next day, it kinda made me go a little crazy missing him and also stirred up desires for a huge guard dog and a gun! Not that anything happened, but you know, safety first. :)

We were grateful for the extra income from his overtime—only to be more thankful for it when we found out our foundation had cracked! Oh, what a pretty penny to spend. Although some pennies are prettier than what we had to give up, so I'm not complaining. Honestly, we're glad we caught those darn cracks when we did! We had a great company to do the work, and it could've been a lot worse structurally and financially. We were blessed throughout and in the end of it all. It's definitely easy to say "money is just money", but that's what I continued to tell my husband. Haha, I also remember telling him that life is like Monopoly—you pass GO, sometimes you hit free parking, and sometimes you have to maintain those houses and hotels along with all of those other dumb fees! I'm thinking I was into that comparison because we had gotten a little addicted to playing Monopoly on our phones. ;) It's easy to think of "all of the ways" we could have spent that money, but truthfully, it's not even ours in the first place and we'll drive ourselves crazy thinking otherwise! The Lord was gracious enough to provide for us and He will always continue to provide no matter the circumstance.

Which I again found to be true as I left a place of work I had been at for 6.5 years! That was probably the crAziest thing that had happened all year! It was definitely strange to leave my comfort zone and people that were like close family. I never thought I would leave my tiny little bubble of "normal". It's strange, somewhat uncomfortable, and yet there is a peace when the Lord stirs your heart about a matter. That inner peace is intriguing because you know it's Him and He has your best at heart, but on the outside, your world is completely off it's rocker! He may be calling you to do something that you don't even want to do or be a part of at all! That was one thing I felt certain about! Awkwardness and lessons learned about myself were an inevitable part of the process, yet I still felt His presence and learned to cherish that time with Him. I felt frustrated and torn, but I knew He was calling me out of my comfort zone and I wanted to obey. I did to the best of my ability, and as respectfully and quietly as I could, but it's interesting when we as humans think we have the Lord's plans and outcomes figured out. We, or at least I, think that the outcome will be just "fine", right? Everyone understands, no one is upset, etc. In a perfect world that would be so, but here in this broken world, I've discovered that that is never really the case! And I hate when people are upset with me or misunderstand my intentions and everything gets skewed from there on out! I think the Lord knows well that small detail about me. Thinking back, I guess you could rephrase Isaiah 55:8-9 to be "My version of fine is not your version of fine. Just trust Me if/when it gets weird. The End."

I am thankful for the Lord's heart in the midst of it all and thankful for His timing and His provision once again. It truly was perfect. I'm also thankful for the examples of others scattered throughout the Bible that endured worse and far more awkward situations than I had to go through! Their responses challenge me to remember that the Lord has a purpose in all of this, though I may never know what it is--although I can say that a lot of the time He really just wants to perfect our character and mold us to be more like Him (James 1:2-4). Growing pains (and maybe growing up and maturing) is what I like to call that!

The best encouragement for me during this season was Isaiah 43:18-19:

"Forget the former things;

do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness

and streams in the wasteland."

These are still perfect verses for me to remember on those days when the past still reaches for me. Mind you, I never want to "forget" the past (how can you?) because I still treasure those people, the lessons learned, and the character building, but I've come to terms with the fact that life will always be different. It's probably the sentimental little girl inside of me thinking that growing up is for grown ups and that even the littlest of things, like Christmas, should always stay the same! However, nothing can ever truly remain the same—no matter how tight your grip may be. And that's probably a good thing.

Just the other day, I was reading over John 14:27. It's a pretty common verse :

"I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid."

It's funny how the simplest truth that I've always heard can become such a fresh word of
encouragement when this sentimental, doubtful girl needs it the most! I posted this on Instagram the other day so I apologize for repeating myself! I'm totally guilty of "seeking peace" from these thoughts by what else—thinking about them! Wondering if I could do more, thinking I can gain that peace through others, etc. I know the truth, but do I KNOW it and receive it? Jesus has left us with a gift—His peace—but it's not a gift that the world gives or that I can give to myself. We are truly incapable. It's a different form of peace, a greater gift, that surpasses all understanding. Am I truly allowing myself to receive this perfect gift from Him alone? The text above is from The New Living Translation, but I love how the Amplified version breaks everything down perfectly :

[Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]

We were made for more. Period. Rest in His peace—stop trying to create your own. Hard changes willed by the Lord come with human questions and doubts, a certainty—but an uncertainty, expectation, and a knowledge that He's got your back even when others may or may not. The Lord works best with open, willing, and vulnerable hearts. Hearts that want to be more like Him. Hearts that want to trust Him. The best thing I love about Him? HE never changes—He is consistent in every way and just like James 1:16-17 says, every good and perfect gift (like peace) is from Him alone. At the end of each season, no matter how sweet, bittersweet, or just plain hard it is, the Lord is my heartbeat through it all.

Ok, I'm not sure my speedy little typing fingers can take much more. Let's just say that now that it's 2013, it has been one heck of a year! It has been filled with new and thriving spaces, lonely places too—in which to learn to cherish the Lord's truth and presence even more, make time for MacGyver TV marathons, discover a new found love for avocados, wisdom, truth, and encouragement, River Market flowers, crazy and loveable youth, movie nights under the stars, and a yearning for more.

Are you still here? You're amazing. Thank you for reading about my seasons of life!

Stay tuned—at least for one more year. ;)